My mom and I were driving to the store and I was taking selfies, when we stopped at a red light she looks at me and says, “I feel like when you’re 20, you’re going to look back on pictures you take now and go ‘oh no, THE EYEBROW STAGE.’”
I think my mom insulted my eyebrow game.
Once I was walking home with some law school friends and they were like ”Why are you walking up that street your street is like three more streets up”
"Yeah but there’s a house on this street and sometimes their golden retriever naps in the sun on the sidewalk and I like to give him belly rubs"
Now all the law students walk up belly rub lane because law school is stressful and dogs rock
I bet that is the happiest dog
Me: do you like rough sex
Them: yeah lip biting is great
Me: no you don't understand
i just heard a bouncing noise and then that was followed by my dad saying
"oh no my potato"